In a shocking turn of events, Governor Chris Sununu of New Hampshire announced today that he fully supports the secession of his state from the United States and plans to run for the presidency of the newly formed Granite Republic.
The governor made the announcement at a press conference held on the steps of the State House in Concord, flanked by supporters waving the newly designed “Live Free or Die Alone” flag. Governor Sununu proclaimed that the time had come for New Hampshire to chart its own course and that the state was tired of being held back by the “tyranny” of the federal government.
“We’ve had enough of the bureaucrats in Washington telling us how to live our lives,” Sununu declared to cheers from the crowd. “New Hampshire deserves to be its own country, with its own laws, its own currency, and its own president – and I intend to be that president.”
When asked how he planned to deal with the logistical and financial challenges of secession, Sununu was quick to brush off any concerns. “Look, we’re New Hampshire – we’re tough, we’re resilient, and we’re not afraid of a challenge. We’ll figure it out.”
Critics of the governor’s plan were quick to point out the many hurdles that New Hampshire would face in becoming an independent nation, from the loss of federal funding to the need to establish its own military and diplomatic relations. But Sununu remained undeterred.
“I have every confidence that we can make this work,” he said. “And besides, can you imagine how much more ‘Live Free or Die’ our state will be once we’re no longer burdened by the yoke of federal tyranny?”
The governor ended his announcement by urging his fellow New Hampshirites to join him in the fight for independence, declaring that “together, we can make New Hampshire great again – or for the first time, depending on how you look at it.”
Sununu’s campaign chair Jason Osborne explained: “The Governor is a problem solver. He wanted to be President, but Granite Staters did not want to let him go. This was a brilliant resolution to that seeming impasse.”